Since school started up again (about a week and a half ago) I've been trying something a little different. I made the decision to try to eat more mindfully and to work out as much as I could find time to, and I also decided to take things day by day, week by week, to not make any goals beyond that, nor any plans. Well, I have to say, so far so good. This past week was a little shakier than the first week, but all in all, I've done much better than I had been doing and am going at a pace of something I can maintain rather than doing my usual full sprint ahead then falling down exhausted with an entire chocolate cake.
So, what exactly does this all look like? Well, first off, I am attempting to plan out my week in terms of when I can go run. I love running. It is my favorite. I love it more and more each time I go and take a stab at it, and when I just look at my week and see when I can do it rather than make a month's worth of planning things go much better. When I can't run I either don't work out or I do a kettle bell routine. Nothing I do, whether running or kettle bell, takes more than 30-40 minutes and, while my heart rate is definitely raised I can be sore the following day, it's not terribly intense.
As far as my nutrition and eating goes, this is a day by day, almost hour by hour piece of work. Prior to making the decision to be more mindful, I was ending my day stuffed to capacity every day, sometimes to the point of wishing I could make myself sick and empty everything out. That has stopped, and I've tried to eat mindfully, eat at our table versus the couch, and choose more nutritious foods. However, I am not counting calories or points. I'm not limiting myself to specific kinds of foods (though I am trying to back off sugar/desserts). And, when things haven't gone precisely as planned, I have made a point to not beat myself up, with mixed results (though, I will say, I feel considerably less guilt than I do when I'm on some sort of official plan).
As things stand now, I feel as though things are going pretty well. I still need to work on eating more mindfully and not using food to help cope with stressful days, but that will be something I will have to work on for the rest of my life, I think. However, this is a good route for me, being gentle with myself. I feel mentally well in this department when I do that, and there have been results, I think. I'm not weighing myself (I haven't yet thrown out our scale, but I think I will soon, if my husband doesn't object too much), but I know a few things are fitting me better than they had a couple of weeks ago. It's not a drastic change, and that's not really what I'm looking for at this point, but I won't say it's not nice.
I'm hoping that as work starts up again in full swing after next week, and my courses start next Tuesday that I'll be able to keep doing what I've been doing and don't let the added stress get me down too much.
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Dinner Time
I was really pretty comfortable, hunger-wise just before dinner the other night. I had been starving, of course, as I finished up my grocery shopping just a half hour before, but just as I was plating my food and getting ready to sit down, I thought to myself, "Geez, I'm really not that hungry right now." Now, granted, they weren't the full portions I would normally have. I cut my burger in half and only took maybe a third of what I would usually have in sides (in this case, baked fries and and cherry tomatoes).
But, I still ate my dinner. I couldn't help it. I really couldn't. For one, the burger was delicious. My husband doesn't cook a ton, but, oh boy, when he does, it's really good. Secondly, as I kept telling myself, I had been hungry, or so I thought, not so long ago, and if I didn't eat now I would likely be hungry later and would eat closer to bed time, which I didn't want to do.
But more than any of that, I couldn't stop myself from eating that delicious dinner, even though I wasn't hungry, because it was dinner time. How on earth could I be expected to sit at the table with my husband and kids while they enjoyed dinner and I just sat there and watched? And it wasn't as if I felt like I'd be missing out. I felt like it would be weird and uncomfortable because it's dinner time and I'm supposed to eat then.
I realize this is completely irrational. Why eat when you're not hungry? It's almost philosophical - it's only dinner time because I say it's dinner time. If I said it wasn't? Would it still be time to eat?
But, I still ate my dinner. I couldn't help it. I really couldn't. For one, the burger was delicious. My husband doesn't cook a ton, but, oh boy, when he does, it's really good. Secondly, as I kept telling myself, I had been hungry, or so I thought, not so long ago, and if I didn't eat now I would likely be hungry later and would eat closer to bed time, which I didn't want to do.
But more than any of that, I couldn't stop myself from eating that delicious dinner, even though I wasn't hungry, because it was dinner time. How on earth could I be expected to sit at the table with my husband and kids while they enjoyed dinner and I just sat there and watched? And it wasn't as if I felt like I'd be missing out. I felt like it would be weird and uncomfortable because it's dinner time and I'm supposed to eat then.
I realize this is completely irrational. Why eat when you're not hungry? It's almost philosophical - it's only dinner time because I say it's dinner time. If I said it wasn't? Would it still be time to eat?
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Making the Right Choice
In less than two weeks I've lost nearly twelve pounds. Intense, right? I won't deny being pleased, but I have myself freaked out at the same time.
The reason? I did it while following the Whole30 program. If you're not familiar with the Whole30, it's a thirty day elimination diet where you eat protein (usually meat), vegetables, healthy fats (coconut and olive oils, avocado, nut butters, but not peanut, ghee, etc.), and some fruits and nuts. The idea is that during those thirty days you cleanse your body, start to identify food issues, both emotional and physical, and, hopefully, lose weight.
Within a day or two of starting, the weight simply fell away. This isn't actually unusual, because I don't have an issue with losing weight as long as I'm really careful about how much I eat and am at least a little bit active. But this was crazy - I was losing a pound or more every day or two. I knew this kind of weight-loss couldn't be sustainable, but even after a week and a half, I was still dropping weight like it was hot.
What's more, I felt pretty great, too. I was staying full between meals, so no snacking, I had lots of energy, and couldn't say enough positive things about my experience. Even when I started feeling a little crummy and definitely grumpy, I wasn't too fazed, because it was to be expected, according to the Whole30 timeline. It was simply my body adjusting to all the new changes I was making in my diet. But then everything took a turn for the worse. Five days of heartburn, three of them absolutely excruciating, to the point where all I could do was lay in bed or sleep until it passed. I literally couldn't eat and dropped almost three pounds in two days.
I started to get scared, not because I thought my health was at risk from the heartburn or that this was even an unusual symptom (I googled it, and it's very common to have terrible heartburn during the Whole30 as things "cleanse" or whatever). I was scared because I was afraid to stop the program. I wanted to, desperately, but I was so, so afraid that if I stopped I would regain the weight I had started to lose. I didn't want to fail at this, especially since I had been so gung-ho about it.
In the midst of this, I went to see Dona, my nutritionist, and we started talking about binge-eating disorder and how well I seemed to fit into that particular category. She was fine with my continuing with the Whole30 if that's what I wanted, but her leeriness was obvious, as it had been every since I introduced the idea. After researching binge-eating disorder and how diets (even though I tried really, really hard to not categorize the Whole30 as such, so I could pretend it wouldn't be a problem for me) are a huge component of my (or anyone who binges) eat, repent, repeat cycle. I had initially thought of the Whole30 as "safe" because it wasn't a permanent change, but because I was depriving myself of so much I started to sense this could only end badly.
So, with the two week mark looming ahead, I stopped. I couldn't handle the stress of figuring out what to eat or how to avoid situations where I couldn't enjoy myself because of the food there. I couldn't handle the physical pain I was experiencing (side note: if you have some heartburn troubles, ginger kombucha helps tons!). And I could see something developing within me that could be very bad. The fear to stop doing something, even though I was thoroughly miserable, simply because it might mean I wouldn't lose as much weight or even gain some weight back, was a dangerous place to be, and I really, really didn't want to play that one out to see where it went.
I stopped and I felt immediately better emotionally. Fears went to sleep, though I still (then and now, because it's only been a very short time since I stopped) worry about regaining weight. As I move through this journey, I fully realize now, even if I might still be tempted, that any diet that significantly restricts what I can have is not a good idea for me, at least for now. Those who already have a healthy relationship with food may very well benefit significantly from the Whole30 or something similar. I won't deny the results I saw (weight-loss, improvement in my complexion and seasonal allergies), but the negatives, for me, were too great.
I'm not sure what's going to happen now. My new, short-term goals are to relax about my eating, but watch portions and to continue to go running. I'll be seeing Dona in a couple of weeks and then we can discuss what's next.
The reason? I did it while following the Whole30 program. If you're not familiar with the Whole30, it's a thirty day elimination diet where you eat protein (usually meat), vegetables, healthy fats (coconut and olive oils, avocado, nut butters, but not peanut, ghee, etc.), and some fruits and nuts. The idea is that during those thirty days you cleanse your body, start to identify food issues, both emotional and physical, and, hopefully, lose weight.
Within a day or two of starting, the weight simply fell away. This isn't actually unusual, because I don't have an issue with losing weight as long as I'm really careful about how much I eat and am at least a little bit active. But this was crazy - I was losing a pound or more every day or two. I knew this kind of weight-loss couldn't be sustainable, but even after a week and a half, I was still dropping weight like it was hot.
What's more, I felt pretty great, too. I was staying full between meals, so no snacking, I had lots of energy, and couldn't say enough positive things about my experience. Even when I started feeling a little crummy and definitely grumpy, I wasn't too fazed, because it was to be expected, according to the Whole30 timeline. It was simply my body adjusting to all the new changes I was making in my diet. But then everything took a turn for the worse. Five days of heartburn, three of them absolutely excruciating, to the point where all I could do was lay in bed or sleep until it passed. I literally couldn't eat and dropped almost three pounds in two days.
I started to get scared, not because I thought my health was at risk from the heartburn or that this was even an unusual symptom (I googled it, and it's very common to have terrible heartburn during the Whole30 as things "cleanse" or whatever). I was scared because I was afraid to stop the program. I wanted to, desperately, but I was so, so afraid that if I stopped I would regain the weight I had started to lose. I didn't want to fail at this, especially since I had been so gung-ho about it.
In the midst of this, I went to see Dona, my nutritionist, and we started talking about binge-eating disorder and how well I seemed to fit into that particular category. She was fine with my continuing with the Whole30 if that's what I wanted, but her leeriness was obvious, as it had been every since I introduced the idea. After researching binge-eating disorder and how diets (even though I tried really, really hard to not categorize the Whole30 as such, so I could pretend it wouldn't be a problem for me) are a huge component of my (or anyone who binges) eat, repent, repeat cycle. I had initially thought of the Whole30 as "safe" because it wasn't a permanent change, but because I was depriving myself of so much I started to sense this could only end badly.
So, with the two week mark looming ahead, I stopped. I couldn't handle the stress of figuring out what to eat or how to avoid situations where I couldn't enjoy myself because of the food there. I couldn't handle the physical pain I was experiencing (side note: if you have some heartburn troubles, ginger kombucha helps tons!). And I could see something developing within me that could be very bad. The fear to stop doing something, even though I was thoroughly miserable, simply because it might mean I wouldn't lose as much weight or even gain some weight back, was a dangerous place to be, and I really, really didn't want to play that one out to see where it went.
I stopped and I felt immediately better emotionally. Fears went to sleep, though I still (then and now, because it's only been a very short time since I stopped) worry about regaining weight. As I move through this journey, I fully realize now, even if I might still be tempted, that any diet that significantly restricts what I can have is not a good idea for me, at least for now. Those who already have a healthy relationship with food may very well benefit significantly from the Whole30 or something similar. I won't deny the results I saw (weight-loss, improvement in my complexion and seasonal allergies), but the negatives, for me, were too great.
I'm not sure what's going to happen now. My new, short-term goals are to relax about my eating, but watch portions and to continue to go running. I'll be seeing Dona in a couple of weeks and then we can discuss what's next.
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